


Not the Strangest Thing

by emynn (orphan_account)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Blow Jobs, Established Relationship, Humor, M/M, Movie Night, Movie Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-20
Updated: 2013-07-20
Packaged: 2017-12-20 19:41:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/891090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/emynn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Being in love means sometime you need to indulge your partner's mad hobbies. Even if those mad hobbies are atrociously bad movies. Spoilers for "Sharknado."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not the Strangest Thing

“Are you ready?” Harry asked. He’d been talking about this all week, and now he was fairly bouncing with excitement. “It’s starting soon!”

Severus sighed. “I suppose it’s too late to say I have an urgent potion to work on.”

“Way too late,” Harry said, dragging Severus by the hand into their living room. 

“I’ll never understand your penchant for bad movies,” Severus said. “Although I suppose if you’re already melting your mind with that blasted _telly_ , you might as well make quick work of it.”

“They’re the best,” Harry said. “There are no expectations. You don’t have to look for hidden meanings, or hope you’re taking something away from it, or wonder what lengths the actors went to in order to get into character. You just watch and enjoy.”

“See, a sane person would think that a movie being bad would preclude one from enjoying it,” Severus muttered. “What’s this monstrosity called again?”

“ _Sharknado_ ,” Harry said. “And it’s in high-definition! It will be like the sharks are right in our living room.”

“Shark… Harry. Absolutely not. I humoured you with _The Babysitter’s Seduction_ , and that _Mommie Dearest_ melodrama. But if you think I’m watching a film that features what I can only assume is a tornado made of sharks, you are absolutely mad.”

“I indulge your hobbies,” Harry reminded him. “And, if you recall, I was the one who convinced Mundungus to sell you that set of rare potions ingredients for a fraction of what they were worth at that conference last week. I believe your precise words following that were ‘I owe you.’”

“How about I pay you back with the best blow job you’ve ever had in your life?” Severus asked, lowering his voice and stroking his hand intimately along Harry’s face.

“Mmm, I’d like that,” Harry said. He kissed the tip of Severus’ nose. “After _Sharknado._ ”

“Merlin, Harry,” Severus said. “You cannot tell me this movie is worth watching.”

“The previews looked amazing,” Harry replied, turning on the telly. “It’s got everything you could want! Action, adventure, some family drama… and, if that moderately attractive but rather haggard-looking blonde is any indication, a bit of a romance as well.”

“I detest blondes,” Severus said, reluctantly settling in to the couch. 

“Works out well for me,” Harry said, joining Severus on the couch and curling up against his side. “Don’t have to worry about you running off with a Malfoy because I inflicted one too many bad movies on you.”

“A Mal – Harry, we’ve had this talk before.” Indeed, they had. Somehow Harry had gotten it into his thick head years ago that Severus would prefer to be with Draco… or worse, Lucius. It had been the cause of their biggest row to date. 

“I know,” Harry said, and kissed his cheek. “Now shush. It’s starting.”

Fifteen minutes in, Severus had his wand out and was checking the telly for some low-level compulsion spell, because there was no way, simply none, that anybody would one, write such a dreadfully awful and unrealistic tale for entertainment purposes, or two, that anybody would willingly watch it. He wasn’t sure what was worse: the gratuitous shots of the waitress with a dark secret attired only in a bikini and an apron, the blatantly obvious attempts to show subtle character development, or the fact that the words the actors spoke were all slightly out of synchronization with their lips. It simply _had_ to be the plot of some sinister wizard out to warp the minds of the masses.

“Severus, stop,” Harry said, batting Severus’ hand away. “You’re missing the best part.”

“The shark was just killed with a pool cue on a barroom floor!" Severus said, incredulous. “Why they couldn’t just leave it alone and let it die due to being out of the water I’ll never know.”

“Because then there wouldn’t be a movie,” Harry said, clearly exasperated. 

“Harry, the entire concept is completely illogical,” Severus said. “Do you honestly expect me to believe that these sharks, upon being beached, decide that their first priority is not to get back to the water where they can go along their merry lives as villains of the ocean, and instead decide to use the last of their energy to enjoy a meal of human a la carte, even though they rarely attack humans even when in the water?”

“Severus…”

“Not to mention, if there _were_ a tornado strong enough to pick up a shark, do you honestly believe they would survive? All of that debris in the storm would tear them apart.”

“Listen…” 

“Truthfully, if there _were_ sharks falling from the sky, I would think humans would have a far greater likelihood of being killed from blunt impact than being devoured.”

“Severus, for Merlin’s sake!” Harry shouted. “You’re ruining it!”

“ _I’m_ ruining it?” Severus asked. “There is a shark dangling from a bloody chopper and _I’m_ ruining it?”

“Ah, damn it, now I missed Nova falling from the chopper into the shark’s mouth,” Harry whinged. He pointed his wand at the telly so he could replay the apparently critically important scene. “Now, quiet. There’s not much left.”

Grumbling, Severus crossed his arms and fell back into the couch. It really was an utterly ridiculous movie. Of course, the plot was completely improbable. But beyond that, the acting was atrocious, the character development forced, and the dialogue entirely clichéd in a way only a movie about killer sharks in a tornado could be clichéd.

However, as he watched Harry lean forward and rest his chin in his hands to watch the film, he felt a pang of guilt. While he certainly didn’t understand the appeal, Harry did love these terrible movies. And he really didn’t ask Severus to indulge him _too_ often. Especially given how many times Harry had gone to conferences and seminars about topics he had little interest in other than Severus’ happiness at being able to attend with somebody by his side, Severus really had no right to complain so much.

And besides, there was some appeal to this whole affair, for while Harry watched the movie, his eyes glued to the telly, Severus was able to watch Harry. He was able to listen to Harry’s unrestrained laughter at each cheesy line of dialogue. He was able to watch him clap with glee when the heroes, as they were, of the film came up with a plan to combat the sharks.

And he was able to enjoy Harry curling up to him again once more, squeezing his arm as he chuckled over the wholly unrealistic shark attacks on the poor, hapless humans. 

When the film ended (with an oddly supremely happy ending for a story about sharks wreaking havoc over a beach town), Harry turned to Severus. “Thank you,” he said. “I know they’re not your favourite. But I just love the sheer absurdity of them.”

Severus sighed. “I suppose it wasn’t the _worst_ way we could have spent the last ninety minutes.”

Harry grinned. “Even though it was entirely unrealistic and never could have happened in real life?”

Severus met Harry’s eyes. They were still alight with pleasure over the film, but also something stronger, more intimate. Severus felt his breath catch in his throat, the way it always did when he received those small but undeniable reminders that Harry _loved_ him, even when he was an utter bastard. Harry loved him enough to want to share his guilty pleasures with him, loved him enough to still wrap his arm around Severus’ shoulders even after he spent most of the movie making snide comments under his breath.

He loved Severus, flaws and all.

And what’s more, Severus loved Harry, even with his atrocious taste in Muggle films.

“I don’t know,” Severus said, leaning down over Harry. Harry looked up at him, his lips parted, waiting for the inevitable kiss. “I suppose stranger things have happened.” 

Harry pulled Severus’ head down. “Oh, yes,” he said, and captured Severus’ mouth with his own.

Severus groaned and deepened the kiss, loving the feel of Harry underneath him. He tugged at Harry’s trousers, yanking them off as he plastered kisses down the length of his neck.

“Mmm,” Harry murmured. “Who knew you’d get off on _Sharknado_.”

“I believe it’s best we stop talking about that movie as we enter the second portion of our evening,” Severus said as he removed Harry’s boxers and stroked the length of his prick. “Unless you like to think of sharp teeth while your husband has his mouth around your cock.”

“Mmm, no thanks,” Harry said, thrusting up into Severus’ hand. “Fuck, Severus.”

“I did promise you the best blow job of your life,” Severus reminded him. “Who am I to go back on my word?”

“I don’t… mmph! Severus!”

Severus looked up from where he currently had his lips wrapped around Harry’s cock. Harry’s face was flushed, like it always was when he was aroused, and he was determinedly meeting Severus’ gaze. It was one of the things Severus loved the most about their lovemaking. When he and Harry had first fallen into bed together, he was convinced Harry was imagining somebody else. He knew he wasn’t an attractive man, and Harry had to be used to much more handsome men than he. But even from that very first night, Harry always made sure to meet Severus’ eyes. From then on, there was never any doubt that when they were together, he was the only man Harry wanted to be with.

It didn’t take long before Harry was a whimpering, quivering mess beneath him. After seven years together, Severus knew exactly where to lick, suck, and nibble to bring Harry to the highest heights of pleasure. It was likely the skill he was proudest of in life.

“Fuck, Severus,” Harry gasped. “Gonna… gonna come.”

Severus sucked harder and was rewarded with a loud shout and the feel of Harry’s hot, bitter release on his tongue. He swallowed it all, careful not to miss a drop. 

“Mmm,” Harry said, pulling Severus up for a kiss. “I have to say, I think I got the better end of the deal with this. _Sharknado_ and the best blow job of my life, all for some mild blackmailing of Mundungus?”

“Ah, you forget,” Severus said, rubbing his erection against Harry’s stomach for emphasis. “I still need to fuck you before the night’s over.”

“Like I said,” Harry said, kissing Severus once more. “I think I got the better end of the deal.”

Severus didn’t protest, but instead pulled Harry closer to him. But he knew the truth: in the whole grand scheme of things, it was he who was the lucky one.

And now he knew exactly how to handle bad movie night.


End file.
